The one that got away is a popular phenomena being spread across the internet but what is the basis of it? It refers to the regret felt by an individual for letting go of a relationship with a former partner. This regret typically results in disgust being gradually developed towards the current partner of the individual. Through just a lay person's observation, this phenomenon is mostly found in men but why exactly? This is a deep dive, a place of discussion and a lay person's understanding which focuses on the psychological journey of humans.
There are many reasons why a relationship might have ended. This includes Lack of compatibility, Abuse, Loss of interest etc the reasons are just endless. The birth of "The one that got away" starts with the inadequate management of one's mental & emotional state post- breakup. One thing I have observed in women is their pattern of dealing with themselves after a relationship ends and this can be conceptualized into Three stages.
The first stage: Emotional trainwreck
Most women tend to visibly go through the grief of mourning the end of the said relationship in the initial stages of the breakup. They cry, they question, they cry more, vent, rant to anyone who will listen and again, cry more.
The second stage: The stage of confusion
This stage consists of the lady being angry, less emotional and early development of rational perspective towards the end of the relationship. They begin to come to terms with what just ended, ofcourse the feelings are still raw but a small degree of acceptance has started to form.
The third stage: Move forward
After all the emotional havoc, the lady starts doing better in life due to increasing level of introspection . Taking up new hobbies and bringing a much more positive outlook on life. They have reached the complete acceptance on the breakup.
Often times for men, the stages are upside down. They tend to distract themselves, blame the relationship on the lady, "move on" with another lady and focus less on the actual problem which resulted the breakup than introspect. Here, the key difference between the both genders is the level of introspection.
Another phenomenon that comes into play is the "grass being greener on the other side". Often times we tend to believe that what we have isn't enough and that we would be in a better position if we choose xyz. Applying this into a relationship, the man who is now drowned in the mental havoc he tried avoiding in the beginning of his post breakup starts comparing the qualities of his current partner to the ex.
This builds up the basis of "the one that got away". Everything the current partner is doing? the ex would have "done it better". The ex would have "handled a particular situation better". The ex would have done this and that, this is endless. The comparison continues and it will evidently affect the relationship where bitterness starts to form.
This is not to say that only men do this but rather that it is commonly seen & observed in men as compared to women. By this, I can conclude by stating that, A healthy level of introspection, selfcare etc is needed after a relationship ends. Your efficient ability to take care of yourself, your mental, physical and emotional wellbeing will have a positive outcome in your life and your future partners.
xoxo
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